Dating for mature singles is an experiment. You both show up to see if the experiment will work or not work. So you go out on a 1st date and there’s good conversation, good laughter and you seem to both be having a good time. End of date, he walks you to your door and he reaches to give you a kiss. But you know you don’t want to see him again. What should you do?
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I asked my dear friend, Evan Marc Katz, what to do in this situation. He makes a good point by saying that kissing him is a confusing sign that you are interested. True. true. But I think there is another way to look at it.
So as I learned from Part 1, I ask myself how I would like to be rejected, if the roles were reversed. So it seemed like he had a good time on the date so I proceeded to lean over to kiss him. But I’m not a mind reader, so I actually don’t know he is not interested, what would I want him to do? 1) push me away and say he’s not interested. or 2) Kiss me anyway and tell me the next day he is not interested.
#2 without a doubt. I guess I like the idea of ending the date on a good note. I think its less hurtful to hear the next day than right there on the spot. Sometimes I feel I am just too thoughtful. Because when a mature man spends a good amount of money on dinner and a nice bottle of wine immediate rejection doesn’t seem right to me.
Evan’s response…"Thats what men are counting on. Men need to get a return on their investment, how much action we are going to get at the end of the night. But you are only accountable to yourself, you really don’t owe a man anything. Even if he feels you owe him something. You don’t. A date is an experiment. Its not a contract between two people. Its do we like each other enough to see each other again?
What really drives people crazy, is the "why". Why doesn’t someone want to see me again, we ask ourselves after we have been rejected. Women are especially good at this. The "why" really doesn’t matter. He could be hung up on his ex-girlfriend, a bad relationship with his mother or you’re just too awesome, that it may scare him…you just don’t know what’s going on in other people’s minds. Figuring out the answer does not change the fact that he is not interested. I really try to remember this when I am interested in someone and he disappears. There is no reason to beat yourself up, it is what it is.
It’s even worse for a mature women, when a guy has a great time, talks about the future, some intimacy may take place, then he never calls. Why would he do that?
People send mixed messages. Especially men since they are so driven by attraction. Its not apparent at all how they feel about you until they follow up for a second date. A lesson I have learned is to not necessarily pay attention to what a man says but what he does in his actions. His actions say it all of what is true and real.
If only I knew these things when I was in my 20′s, sure would of made dating a little easier. You live and learn, thats what its all about!